


Remus' Not So Great Late Night Thoughts

by Leo_Forgot_to_Create



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, How Do I Tag, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:14:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24815905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leo_Forgot_to_Create/pseuds/Leo_Forgot_to_Create
Summary: Remus needs to get up early today but his useless sack of nerves that calls itself a brain won't let him sleep.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 32





	Remus' Not So Great Late Night Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> Howdy! This is my first fic so sorry if it's worded weirdly.

These thoughts are normal. Remus' normal anyway. Nothing really new. He had intrusive thoughts for his whole life. Everything that the other weaklings would call creepy, gross, and grotesque, all rattling inside his head like skeletons during an earthquake! But these thoughts should give him pause, shouldn't they? They did before.

Tikkity, tikkity, tock tock tock! 3:12 am says the clock clock clock!

What even happens after you die? Is there an afterlife? Will he be set on fire by Satan himself, slowly melting away his flesh until it regenerates itself only to repeat the cycle? Will he be stuck haunting the area? That might be fun for a while but would just get old pretty fast. Or maybe he'll just forever be conscious inside his rotting meat sack, feeling the way the maggots and flies feast on his gross ass corpse! Man he can't wait!

Wait, shitty penis fucking an asshole! He shouldn't be thinking that! No sir, not today! Local trash man shall live another day! He should at least wait til his dearest brother drops dead, then he can kill himself!

Maybe if he dicks around, someone might find him annoying enough to kill him themselves. Then no one will pity him for committing suicide. No one he knew would actually care, maybe they'll even celebrate him being gone! Maybe someone will serve cocktails and everyone gets drunk, then his ghost will learn how everyone hates his guts and any and all nice things they ever said was just to make him satisfied enough so he'll go away faster. Just because everyone knew he can't help being himself, doesn't mean they had to like it. Just fake that they do so no one thinks they're an asshole. Like Jerry! Fuck Jerry.

But if he were to die, how would he go? Preferably an epic fight to the death where the loser gets one last one liner before having their limbs slowly ribbed off like plucking petals off a daisy! But he'll need someone's help for that one so it's a no go. He could try hanging himself but it's so overused at this point. Besides, he doesn't have any spare rope laying around at the moment. Maybe he could buy some?

No! No killing yourself. Bad Remus! Bad! God, you're such a fucking failure.

He could shoot himself? No that wouldn't work, someone would hear the gunshot and investigate, leading to finding him before he's properly dead or some shit like that. Waking up in the hospital after trying to kill himself is the worst possible scenario. Besides, where would he even get a gun from? Walmart? That'll actually mean that he has to go out to buy it which is a solid no. If he's not going to buy rope then there's no way in the kraken's asscrack that he's going to buy a gun! 

Stop trying to come up with ways to kill yourself Remus! It's not gonna happen! 

…

Man it would be such a shame if Remus just so happen to "accidentally" get in a car wreck. Or drive off a cliff. Or into the ocean. Or into hell where he belongs. He just might get similar results from jaywalking onto a busy street! But that might not look like an accident, probably at a crosswalk but he won't push the button to cross beforehand.

No, stop! You're doing it again.

Maybe he should talk to someone about this? No. Remus is not doing that. Firstly, that would require there being someone who actually wants to be in the same room as him for more than five minutes. He could try talking with his parents but they don't need to hear how he's taking on more responsibilities as the family disappointment. He could try Roman, but it's not like they've been on speaking terms in literal years! Patton likes to pretend to not feel constantly uncomfortable whenever Remus is within a 30 foot radius. Logan occasionally indulges him with some gruesome facts but that's about the extent of their relationship. Virgil hates him. Janus has been extremely distant these pass few months. Aaaaaaand that's about it. Is that seriously all the people he knew? Wow! Holy shit, he's even more pathetic than he thought!

He most certainly should celebrate this revelation with a shot of bleach! Party time!

Of course your fucking joking about your own death. No wonder Roman left you. He'll be glad to see you finally kill yourself. But you won't. You're too much of a failure to even do that. 

Maybe he could just be a cliche and slit his wrists so all his blood can spill out until he's nothing but a sad whoopie cushion. No, no that one won't do either.

It's four-fuck-you-am. Great. Just great. Why can't his motherfucking, useless, fatty meat slop of a brain just leave him alone so he can sleep like a normal person? Remus doesn't want to think these things anymore. He just wants sleep. For fuck's sake he has to be up early this morning!

Maybe he should see a therapist. No, he probably shouldn't. Those are awful expensive and the last one didn't help at all. Just stole his money. Why did his parents force him to see that jackass? He shouldn't have to pay someone to pretend to someone that he's completely fine. He can just as easily do that to himself for free! Remus doesn't need a middleman! He can already tell you all the ways he's fucked up and why. Like how he, wait no. You're not going down that path today.

4:15? When was the last time he got a full night's rest anyway? Of course he fails at that too.

Remus isn't suicidal. At least he doesn't think he is? He hasn't tried to kill himself yet so that's something! 

It's 4:17. Can he please just go back to sex dreams with hot tentacles monsters please? Sleep would be very much appreciated at the moment! Please? 

Maybe he can get some pills or something that'll help him sleep? Tea and lavender doesn't work anymore. Maybe if he takes the whole bottle he'll sleep forever! Beats staring at the ceiling for eight hours.

The clock reads 4:23. Remus is just tired at this point. Whether it's from the sleep deprivation or his own thoughts, he isn't sure anymore.

Why does it fucking matter anyway? Other people have it worse. He shouldn't even have the right to feel this way.

He's fucking pathetic.


End file.
